Friday, 8 May 2015

Second Chances

Relationships has a huge impact on our lives, and we use a lot of our time on it; either we are happy and falling in love, or crying when we fall out of it. Sometimes when we lose it, it just dosn't feel right, or it was a wrong decision. Should we take the chance and tell the person that we regret? Or what if it is the other person that comes to you and tells you that he regrets? Either way it's a hard choice, it's a choice about feelings, the heart and the mind. Maybe it's not even a break-up, but it can be a bad argument with a friend and it ends with yelling "I never want to talk to you again", or it can end in a friendly way with you both agreeing, but both end up regretting. Even if you have been hurted so badly, should you forgive the person, give them a second chance?
And in those situations, what should we do? Well, this is my personal story about that one time it happend to me.

There is pros and cons about second chances, but before i get to that I need to tell you something first. My own story inspired this post, and this is my story:

Last year, the 22nd of November, my relationship ended. We had been together for about a year, a happy, wonderful year. In the middle of our realtionship he went away to boarding school, and we only saw each other every 3 weeks. We didn't have the time to Skype much, but we managed to text a little every night. I missed him quite terribly, and it was very very hard for me. Before he left we had seen each other almost every day, and had a whole summer together, and then it was just gone. We went through a lot of hard times, but we always maked it, until that night.

Up to the night we broke up things had begun to feel a little different, it was too hard for us both, so we decided to separate. That was even worse for me, than him being away, now I didn't see him at all. I cried for about one and a half month, when I just one day decided to try feel better.
I began building myself up again, and i now felt happy, strong and confident.

After three months apart he one day called me up and told me that he missed me, crying. I was in shock. What do you do when the one you have tried to forget so hard, and began to forget and feel better, calls you up and it all just comes back? Well, I did nothing. I didn't know what to say so i just said... nothing.
My heart missed him and wanted it all back, my feelings was screaming, but my mind told me to think of myself, that I was happy now and not needed to be sad again. And my mind convinced me, and when I texted him that, I regretted in the moment i had send the text telling him it could not go back to like it was before.

A lot of things happend, and today we are back together. It's kind of funny. I've always said that I never want to go back to someone again, if it didn't work the first time, why should it work the second time? I've always said that, and always meant it, until two months ago.
My friend told me about her parents. The second time they tried they got married and got four children and now live in a big nice house. So apparently second chances are okay? I mean, I have a best friend because of someone decided that a second chance was fine.

The problem for me, and the problem that I still kind of has, is that I'm scared of getting hurt, and I'm scared of what people think. The last thing is one thing we all just should get out of out heads, because no ones opinion caunt more than your own. And that you're scared is just a part of it, I guess you will stop worrying as the times go and the longer you have been together, but again, the longer you have been together the more it comeas as a shock when it ends, if it ends? See, these are the pros and cons i talked about.

Your mind is the only thing that stops you, and I now believe that you should do as your heart and feelings say. He was the one to call me, but you don't have to wait, you can be the one who calls first. "But, Sofie, what if the person don't feel the same?" Then what? Yes you will be disappointed, but you need to take risk, and know what the consequences are before you do.
Hope for the best, expect the worst.
Even if it's a friend you don't talk to anymore because something happend. Send them a message! What is the worst that couls happend? Maybe they don't answer, but at least you tried, and from that on you can see if they are worth it. Are they worth so much of your time you spend thinking about it?

Even though I thought I was over him, I found out I wasn't. Make sure that you are one hundred percent sure before you say hi or goodbye and yes or no. Now I have cared about him for about the two years I've known him now, and even though my first thought was "no", I knew him so well that he deserved a reason, a good answer. Remember that; take care of yourself, but also think about what other people feel. And I'm lucky he is so nice, because to be honest I was the bitch that was like "NO!" and then a few days after came back "oh wait, I regret now". Make sure you think about it.

But don't think to much either. I know, it's confusing. Take all the time you want to, because it's an important thing, but if you think too much it may be even worse.
Sometimes you need to take risks, and need to take the first step, not think too much, just feel. Take chances, second chances. If you get hurt, that's a risk worth taking; Maybe it could hurt, but maybe it could be the best thing ever.
Being hurt is a part of living, and I don't think you should stop just in case of it could hurt. Please don't isolate. You need to live more. Getting hurt makes you grow as a person, I know that better than anyone. You will be okay. I know that too, I have been completely heartbroken too, and I'm here and I'm okay, I'm happy, strong and confident, and I took a second chance and I'm still happy, strong and confident, but I'm also very in love.
Just because you builded yourself up to be happy, dosn't mean you still can't be happy if you go back. Who knows, it may be even better now. It is for me case.

In two months he will be back from boarding school, and now he is away we do even better than the first time. Maybe a break is not only for the worse. We both found ourself, and now we are two strong people, instead of two halfs that try help each other out.

I wish I had a better answer to all of that, but I have a cliché one: Follow your heart, take risks, take chances.


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