Letters to July

I recenty found this video series on youtube, and it inspired me to do the same, just as a blogpost. It was created by Emily Diana Ruth, and it is the third year of her doing them, but I only first found them because Essie Button, one of my own favorites youtubers did it.

Dear July

It is my sixteenth year of knowing you, and you have changed a lot in these years, but I guess that so have I.
You used to be easy. I remember being a little girl running around, being kissed by the sun and having no worries. You were long, warm and happy.

Today you are just another month, almost the same length as the other eleven month of the year. Four weeks, is all you are, not more, not less. You are cold this year, it feels like it is not you. Do I even know you now? As I grow older I have also found out that happiness is not constant.

What is so different from last year we saw each other, July? Well, last year your sun was here to kiss my face, and this year it is not as much as it used to. My hair is shorter than last year. When I got home from the hairdresser my dad said that women cuts their hair short when their heart hurts. That was not the case back then, but time moved on and then it was, and my hair got shorter again.
Last year I was about to start my last year in public school, and this year I have finished my last year in public school. Last year I was not scared of you, July, but I am now. You’re my last month of freedom before a new start, a new school, new friends, new place and new rutines. Then I have to start thinking about life again, education, work, when and where.  I’m terrified of you ending.

My tenth year of school ended good, my grades where the best it could be. I’m proud of myself, and that is a feeling I like. But even though I now have proved that I can, I still think I can’t. I will do my best, as I always do, but what if my best is not good enough? Drowning in homework and school is the last thing I want to do. The pressure we get from everywhere is over us all, and we always want to build our own little building faster, better, bigger, taller. We need, well, I need to remember that my own best is good enough for me and my own little building.

July, you mean freedom to me. You man flowers, freckles, sunburns, water, sand and icecream. Long nights is a thing you also bring with you. The sunset is late and the sun rise early, giving us only a few hours of darkness. Your light is bright and makes it hard to sleep, keeps me up late thinking. I’m not only scared of you leaving, July, but also of all the thoughts you bring with you. July’s sleepless nights. Our daily rutine get mixed al up, and suddenly we are awake until two am and waking up at one pm the same day.

A lot of your days have been hard to me July, both this year and the others. I don’t know why you have this effect on me. Always get me thinking a lot, crying a lot, confuse me a lot. You have to throw around with me, get me to the floor and then build me up again. I guess that I need to lose myself to find myself again sometimes.

That is what you do July, so many thing, in four weeks. The same amount of weeks like the other eleven months, but somehow you always have a lot of things to give away; feelings, light, smells and so much more. All our senses is working on their hardest. That is just a snippet of what you do in four weeks.